I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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