yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
now i know why i became what i already was.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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