yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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