Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
