Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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