I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
