this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
