I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
