You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
