I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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