There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
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