im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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