i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
