Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
