I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
