dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
