Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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