and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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