Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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