OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
