I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize