absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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