So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
