Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
