I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
