I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize