im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
