I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
