They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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