She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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