I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
