Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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