That's intense
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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