It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
