My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
whose parrot is this?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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