I just pynch a tree in the face
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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