dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
