oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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