This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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