So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
