we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
