what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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