nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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