I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i think i have two assholes
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
