wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
