Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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