I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
