Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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