i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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