i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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