***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
