So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
