So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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