I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
