What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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