hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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