I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
