I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
