Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
