I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
your like the ambassador to my penis.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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