I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
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In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
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Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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