11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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