i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
